My Grief Journey

I was born and raised in Eastern Europe (Bosnia). When l was 13, war started and the time stopped. War lasted nearly 4 years and it changed everything. From displacement from home, to loss of family and friends, to stolen childhood, l spent a lifetime trying to make sense of it all. In 1998 l moved to Washington with $200, 3 months pregnant and no knowledge of American culture or English Language. Life was everything but easy. Soon my beautiful baby girl was born and all of a sadden my purpose was clear as day. Her eyes demanded that l am present mentally and physically. She was 3 month old when l got the news from back home that my dad suddenly passed away, he was 48 years old, a child. Here l was once again facing loss, away from my family or support, but l learned that my daughter is a backbone of my life and for her; l have to be good to her mother. She deserved the best version on me. So life continued. Time flew by. Many new beautiful and difficult things arrived and passed. I adapted, I learned new language, I finished college, got an amazing job as a nurse, purchased home, life was good. Than divorce happened and many struggles that come with it. Years of counseling and my faith saved my life and the life of my daughter. Covid arrived, and just like many other people l too lost a family. MY 38 years old sister passed away. She was 6 months pregnant and high risk when she got COVID, it did not spare her nor her baby. Grief is a sudden terror. It hits us out of nowhere, leaves us in shock, almost frozen and there are no five stages as we learned. It is different for everyone. It is not straight line, it is ups and downs and years of healing. Now when l look back, time does not heal anything, we adapt, learn new ways and how to juts be. How l hang on? Well... my faith is a backbone of my life and through it l give meaning to whatever comes my way. God gives and God takes. Nothing belongs to us, we too will return. Being present moment by moment gives me sanity, helps me keep my eyes wide open to how difficult yes so beautiful this life really is.