Breaking the Silence

This post includes content about suicide ideation and self-harm.

Growing up, I was always aware of suicide, and that someone could indeed hurt themselves. My eldest sister ended her life at the young age of 14, I was only 2 years old at the time. I don't remember anything about her; how she liked her pizza, how it felt to hug her, or how contagious I imagine her laugh was. All I have are the stories, a few photographs, and 1 video with no memories attached. This caused a domino effect within my family. After that fateful day, 3 other siblings wanted to join her, my father and mother weren't far behind. After multiple suicide attempts, self-harming or self-sabotaging events, and lots of therapy my family is finally at a point in our lives that we can freely speak of her with only a tightness in our chest. I remember as a child, we were unable to utter her name in fear that someone would cry or become distant from the conversation. This took over 22 years to reach the point where we can celebrate her heavenly birthday without the weeks prior and before are filled with dread. Even after 22 years, my heart still aches to know my sister, my niece and nephews wish they were able to meet her. Her passing affected those she never even met and will for many more years to come.